How to ruin Spaghetti Carbonara

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I have an extensive background in restaurants. I have worked every part of the kitchen, and held every job, except for Executive Chef. This being said, I sometimes act like such a neophyte when it comes to our home kitchen.

Now my wife, who has never held a job in a commercial kitchen before, has all the makings of a classic chef.  She can walk into our kitchen blind folded, open the kitchen cabinets and out will fall dinner. I don’t know how she does it, but she does it perfectly every time.

Every so once in a while, I will attempt to assist her, and in her good graces she allows me: Even though my ineptness always shows itself in full form at the most inopportune times.

One night my wife was working on Spaghetti Carbonara – a tasty dish to be sure, and my wife touted that it was not very hard to make.

I boiled the noodles, and she took some of the reserved liquid for the sauce. She directed me to the eggs and told me to whisk two eggs until smooth. I grabbed a fork, and lightly tossed the eggs. My wife looked at me with patient disbelief and handed me a whisk and just turned away.

Seeing my efforts were less than par, I whisked until smooth. She took the drained noodles and put them into the cast iron skillet, and turned her back. I saw this as my moment to shine: I was not a complete waste in the kitchen.

I added the eggs to the noodle mixture.

My wife turned around and instantly channeled Chef Gordon Ramsay. “What the hell are you doing?” She looked sternly at me. “You ruined it!”

I stepped back, hurt that she would blow up at me, vowing to myself to never  cook carbonara again.

“What a wonderful dish,” my wife continued attempting to right the wrong I had done. “Spaghetti and scrambled eggs, now that’s a new one.”

It was a couple of weeks later, and my wife was going to cook Spaghetti Carbonara again; after the last time, I was not going to assist.  My wife invited me into the kitchen, and with loving grace, she apologized for yelling at me the previous time, handed me the eggs and told me to go ahead and whisk them.

Kelly’s Spaghetti Carbonara:

16 oz of Spaghetti
4 strips of bacon, diced
1 Jalapeno pepper diced
4 oz of parmesan cheese
2 eggs

Boil the noodles. While the noodles are boiling, brown off the bacon in a cast iron skillet (any skillet will do, cast iron just is better). Once the bacon has been cooked and rendered, add the diced jalapeno pepper, Cook for a few more minutes. Then take some of the noodles out of the water, and add them to the mixture and add some of the water from the noodles. Now whisk the egg mixture until smooth, and temper the egg mixture with some of the reserved hot water and mix it together. Once the egg mixture is tempered, add to the skillet top with the parmesan cheese and serve.

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