Slight others/boost themselves

Sometimes we need to feel validated, sometimes we feel that we are not being noticed and we are in the shadows, so we try to come out of the gloom. If you don’t feel like you are getting the validation you deserve, then you start to feel jealous and judgemental.

Unfortunately, there is always going to be competition for the limelight, and so we start to disparage the person getting all the attention. It’s alright to get noticed, it is fine to want to be noticed, but getting noticed at the expense of another person is not alright – it is toxic: Judging is also toxic. 

So how do we get the attention that we want, without hurting other people. Well I would like to give you a formula, but – sadly – there is no magic pill.  What we have to do is think about why the other person is the one getting all the attention. Maybe, they have a new girlfriend and the happy couple is with the family, and you are not getting the attention they are. So you start cutting them down, and you take cheap shots.

The need for validation has to be controlled. If you are looking for validation from external sources, you become shallow – always looking for that praise. We don’t need praise all the time. That need for constant affirmations means that there is something missing in your own life. You might not have a clear picture of yourself or what your own worth is, your internal monolog is pessimistic  and you need to turn that into optimism.

Once you can change the self-talk that you have to an optimistic voice, you can be supportive and contribute to the well being of those around you – you will become more amicable, and you’ll get noticed.

Slight others/boost themselves

Sometimes we need to feel validated, sometimes we feel that we are not being noticed and we are in the shadows, so we try to come out of the gloom. If you don’t feel like you are getting the validation you deserve, then you start to feel jealous and judgemental.

Unfortunately, there is always going to be competition for the limelight, and so we start to disparage the person getting all the attention. It’s alright to get noticed, it is fine to want to be noticed, but getting noticed at the expense of another person is not alright – it is toxic: Judging is also toxic. 

Photo by Nick Bondarev on Pexels.com

So how do we get the attention that we want, without hurting other people. Well I would like to give you a formula, but – sadly – there is no magic pill.  What we have to do is think about why the other person is the one getting all the attention. Maybe, they have a new girlfriend and the happy couple is with the family, and you are not getting the attention they are. So you start cutting them down, and you take cheap shots.

The need for validation has to be controlled. If you are looking for validation from external sources, you become shallow – always looking for that praise. We don’t need praise all the time. That need for constant affirmations means that there is something missing in your own life. You might not have a clear picture of yourself or what your own worth is, your internal monolog is pessimistic  and you need to turn that into optimism.

Once you can change the self-talk that you have to an optimistic voice, you can be supportive and contribute to the well being of those around you – you will become more amicable, and you’ll get noticed.

Check out my full article at: https://thecongenialmale.com/2021/01/20/toxicity/

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